Let the Winter Burn
by TwistMistress
Summary: Jasper James knew the moment he came after her that it had been futile to hope that he wouldn't remember. Now, she's been assigned a new mission: recovering James Buchannan Barnes' memories. But what happens when memories better left forgotten resurface and Jasper has to choose between her sanity and his?
1. Chapter 1

_Alright, before we get on with this my lovely story, there are some things I need to clarify. First, I do not own anything outside the plot and characters not mentioned in the Captain America movies. Second, there are major differences between what happens in my story as compared to the end of Captain America: The Winter Soldier. Now that we have that settled, read on and enjoy!_

Jasper James sighed and rubbed at the spot between her eyebrows. As much as she loved her family, they could be such pains in the ass and more often than not caused her serious headaches. Like today, Melanie had thought it would be funny to hide the Captain's shield and then speak with a heavy German accent anytime someone asked where she'd put it. Jasper had found it three hours later hanging from the rafters in the training room and had returned it almost bashfully to an irate Steve.

"Sorry, Cap. She's just bored. She's not used to being in one place so long." Jasper tried for a grin but Steve didn't quite seem ready to laugh about the whole thing so she'd walked off and thought seriously about investing in a leash for Melanie.

"Lighten up, Gloom and Doom." A familiar voice roused Jasper from her inner debate on a leash versus a strait jacket as she walked into the mess hall.

"Frowning makes you ugly." Marcus explained with a simple grin and a mischievous twinkle in his green eyes.

Jasper rolled her eyes and sat beside him, looking over the spaghetti and salad he was eating and debating if she wanted any.

"So, did you hear?" Marcus mock whispered with a wiggle of his perfectly manicured eyebrows.

"You gossip worse than any woman I've ever known." Jasper noted, plucking his roll off his plate and tearing a piece off. He wouldn't eat it anyways, too many carbs.

"What can I say? The gays do it right." Jasper laughed tossing back her head and flinging her brown curls everywhere.

"Anyways, apparently the infamous Winter Soldier is finally coming out of the nut house and joining the rest of the human population." Marcus looked at Jasper with wide eyes waiting giddily for her reaction.

"It's not like he's Boo Radley and no one has ever seen him. He's just been spending a lot of time with Steve or a therapist or alone to help him remember who he is." Jasper said between bites of bread.

"You're no fun. Quite being so sensible, it's boring." Marcus pouted into his spaghetti.

"I thought you liked my sensibleness because you don't have to constantly feel my raging emotions, Mr. Empath." Jasper giggled.

A tray slid across the table to Jasper and she looked up to see Jackson sit down with his own. He looked deliberately at the food and back to her, his eyes saying either she ate or he force fed her.

"Jackson, tell your sister she needs to let loose once in a while. It's not healthy to be so in control." Marcus whined but his whining was only met with one raised brow and silence.

Jasper laughed again, tossing a piece of roll at Marcus who swatted it away with a glare and then taking a bite of spaghetti. Jasper sensed more than heard someone walking carefully up behind her and turned at the last second to gaze up coolly at Melanie.

"Damn it, how do you always know?" Melanie cursed before slumping onto the bench beside Jasper.

"Melanie, honey, she controls energy for a living. Your body gives off energy which means she can feel you coming, literally." Marcus answered patronizingly to which Melanie stuck out her tongue.

Her pout only lasted a few seconds as her round blue eyes narrowed in on something across the room. She turned quickly to face the other direction and grinned.

"Two ninety-five year old popsicles at 12 o'clock." She muttered, rising to her feet.

Marcus whirled to join her and with a quiet sigh, Jackson stood as well. Jasper could hear introductions being made over the pounding in her ears as she turned to rise, brown hair swishing over her shoulder. In the milliseconds that followed, her trained body registered the threat before it happened and as the metal hand came rushing toward her throat with a steak knife he'd grabbed from god knows where, Jasper deflected and slid up and over the table, effectively placing it between them.

The Winter Soldier glared through his curtain of dark hair at her, his stormy blue eyes narrowed and ice cold.

"You." The word was a hiss that curled his lips back over his teeth in a snarl.

"Me." Jasper grinned, unable to stop herself from antagonizing him.

"Buck," Steve reached forward to place a hand on his friend and calm him, "she's a friend. She's on our side."

"She was there, with Hydra. I remember." Bucky argued, not relaxing his aggressive stance or taking his eyes off of her. "I remember fighting her. She can get in people's heads, just like they could. She can make people do things. She's one of them."

"You remember fighting me? Does that mean you also remember losing or have you conveniently forgotten that bit?" Jasper mouthed off.

With a growl, Bucky launched himself over the table at her. He was quick, but Jasper was quicker and she slipped easily out of his reach. He growled again and came at her full force, and with the super soldier serum on his side, Jasper was quickly detained in a headlock. She could feel his chest heaving against her back and the tension in his muscles. It reminded her of the first time they'd fought and an idea flitted through her mind.

 _Don't, I'm fine._ She told her friends in the silent way of hers as they all lay crouched ready to protect her. She saw the incredulous look on Melanie's face and the simple raised brow from both Marcus and Jackson, but they all obliged, rising from their defensive stances. Steve merely stood, hands raised in surrender. Jasper knew he didn't want anyone hurt and was humbled to see the sincerity in his blue eyes.

"You're my enemy." Bucky growled into her ear, tightening his metal arm around her throat and slowly cutting off her air flow.

"Ha! I think kicking your ass twenty-six times makes you my bitch, not my enemy." She countered, wincing as again the arm tightened.

"You got in my head to win." Bucky argued and Jasper knew that was what this was all about. He believed she'd used her abilities to get inside his head and use him, just like Hydra. Made sense, they'd wiped him clean of his memories of her so there was no way he could remember her promise to him.

"Actually, we never got that far. I always won before that was necessary." Jasper gasped pulling futilely at his arm. She could feel her mind reaching out toward his to take down the threat but she reeled it in. She'd never used her powers on him and she wasn't about to start now.

"Liar!" Bucky roared, cutting off her airway completely and coming precariously close to crushing her windpipe.

Jasper fought for a moment, twisting against his arm and sending silent orders for her friends to back down. She pulled and pulled, kicking and fighting to be free, but she knew it wouldn't work. She was no match for his physical strength. With a small gasp, Jasper forced what little air was left in her lungs out and relaxed back into Bucky's arms. He immediately crouched to hold her weight and she took the opportunity as she had so many times before.

Rising up on her toes, she licked a small stripe up Bucky's neck and along the corner of his jaw, feeling the coarse stubble there. Bucky immediately recoiled, releasing Jasper, who fell to her knees, and stepping quickly out of her reach. Jasper rubbed at her neck, coughing a few times before regaining her breath and standing to face Bucky.

He'd wiped the saliva off of his face and was staring at his hand like it was an odd creature he'd never seen before. Jasper used the sleeve of her shirt to wipe her mouth and watched Bucky silently as they both caught their breath.

After several moments of tense silence, Bucky looked up and locked eyes with Jasper. His eyebrows creased in the middle with confusion and he spoke quietly.

"You licked me." Bucky stated, several emotions playing across his face at once.

"Not the first time that trick has saved me from suffocating on your behalf." Jasper replied simply, the tension leaving her muscles as she watched Bucky relax into a more open stance.

"You've done that to him before?" Steve asked.

Jasper turned to face their little audience and on seeing their expressions ranging from scandalized (Steve) to smugness (Marcus), sighed heavily.

"Ya, I have. When you're no match for your opponent's physical strength, you come up with inventive ways to win." She shrugged, hoping to let the subject drop but Bucky was still staring at his hand like it might do a trick of its own free will and she knew that was too much to ask for.

"We've fought many times before?" Bucky's voice sounded broken at the idea of more things he couldn't remember.

"Yes, we have. I was one of their strongest weapons, best suited to match you in a physical fight, so they paired us up to try and make us better." Jasper gave an extremely condensed and edited version of their story. She still remembered how hard it was to hear bits of her life story from someone else's mouth and have no recollection of any of it.

"Weapon?" It was a simple word but the look behind his eyes said so much more than he did.

"Yes, I was one of their weapons. Like you, they wiped Me, the real Jasper, away and used my body and my abilities to further their ventures." Jasper forced a tight smile on her face.

She could see the gears moving in his head and remembered wishing there had been someone there for her to understand what she'd been through, but she'd been the first to come back from being a Hydra weapon so she'd done it essentially on her own. A part of her wanted to reach out to Bucky and tell him that he didn't have to find himself alone like she had. She wanted to tell him that she would help him in any way she could to remember who he was.

And yet part of her hoped he never remembered what had happened. Hoped that somehow he could just remember who he'd been before Hydra, when he'd been Steve's Bucky, but Jasper knew that was asking too much. Before and after Hydra were two sides of the same coin, and he would remember both eventually. How long would it take him to remember their last encounter? And how long would it be before he remembered to hate her.

 _J?_ Jasper felt Jackson's consciousness reaching out to hers and looked up from her thoughts to see the lot of them staring at her expectantly.

"I'm sorry, what?" Jasper asked the group as a whole, not one hundred percent sure who'd spoken in the first place.

Marcus chuckled and Jackson gave her an annoyed older brother look, before tossing his eyes over her shoulder pointedly. Jasper turned to find Dr. Martin standing there with his hands folded before him and his usual patient expression on his bearded face.

"I asked, Miss James, if you and Mr. Barnes here had much interaction during your time with Hydra?" Dr. Martin's crisp british voice stopped just a few steps shy of insinuation but Jasper could feel his mind working out the complex problem that was her part in Bucky's memories.

"We fought a lot, if that's what you mean. Why?" Jasper asked. She'd learned the hard way that talking to anyone from S.H.I.E.L.D was like a game of poker, you never showed your hand too soon and she knew without a doubt she had the trump card in her hand.

"I found an interesting connection that I'd like you to come take a look at, if you please." Dr. Martin gestured to the tablet resting in the crook of his arm.

Wearily, Jasper moved to stand beside him, anxiety taking root at the base of her skull. He tapped a few buttons, unlocking the device and accessing the correct file before turning it's screen to show Jasper a series of pictures taken from Hydra surveillance: her and Bucky fighting, her and Bucky kissing, Bucky lying on the floor, his blood on her hands, and finally Bucky standing over her, poised and ready for the kill shot.

Jasper felt the blood drain from her face as she stared at the images, searing them into her brain.

"Jasper?" Marcus called out at the spear of panic that drilled through Jasper's heart.

"Where did you get these?" Jasper whispered.

"We gathered quite a bit of intel after Pierce's fall. This was sent to me a few days ago. There are quite a few others if you'd like to,"

"No." Jasper cried, pushing the tablet away.

"Miss James, it is my belief that you could be very beneficial to Mr. Barnes regaining his memories and I'd like to ask for your help in doing so." Dr. Martin said simply.

"How could she possibly help you? So they fought a few times, what does that have to do with anything?" Marcus demanded, stepping toward Jasper and glaring at the doctor.

"Mr. Debre, please do not involve yourself. This is of no concern of yours."

"No concern of mine? You're joking right? She's," Jasper didn't hear the rest as she glanced up to find Bucky staring at her intently.

"Can you help me remember?" She could see it in his face that he was trying so hard to smother the hope that was blossoming in his chest.

Jasper felt sick knowing that remembering would only hurt him more. She knew what he would find if he went down that path, pain and betrayal.

"Please, don't ask me to do this. Please don't ask me to hurt you like that." She whispered.

Bucky watched her carefully for a moment and Jasper thought maybe she had been saved but then Bucky dropped his eyes and mumbled,

"I have to remember."

Jasper felt her knees give way and she sank to the floor amid the shouts of her friends as they argued with the doctor and the worried voice of Steve as he dropped to her side. Bucky's eyes shot up to meet hers when she hit the floor and she saw regret and determination waring across his face. She was the feelings he had no name or reason for and the anger, always the anger, when he came up short again.

Jasper let Steve help her to her feet, taking a few moments to gather her thoughts and draw back her emotions. This wasn't her decision, it was Bucky's and he had a right to take back his memories. She could deal with her own emotions later, but for the time being he'd asked for her help in the only way he knew how and she'd be damned if she would ever turn her back on him again.

"Enough." She called over the argument, effectively cutting off Melanie's string of curses.

"It's alright guys. I'm alright. Dr. Martin is right, I can help and I will to the best of my ability." She nodded at Bucky who managed to look both relieved and devastated.

"Wonderful!" Dr. Martin clapped his hands together, making Bucky flinch almost imperceptibly and Jasper wish she could punch him right in his crooked nose. "I suggest we three meet at my office tomorrow morning to see,"

"A meeting in your office and some meditative thoughts won't bring back his memories, Doc. You should've realized that by now." The offended harrumph she received curbed Jasper's urge to punch the doctor. "We'll meet on the training mat."

"And what, pray tell, do you intend to accomplish on the training mat?" Dr. Martin asked condescendingly.

"He remembers best when he's fighting and angry, both of which I can achieve on the mat, not in your office. I know from experience."

"You can't honestly expect me to allow two of my patients to fist fight as a form of therapy? It's ludicrous." Dr. Martin scoffed.

"Look, you want to waste both my time and his by playing shrink, then fine, we'll meet in your office. But if you want results, real results, you'll be on that mat in the morning. Being wiped from your own mind hurts like hell and it's not pretty or done in a cushy little office. Neither is remembering." Jasper growled, glaring at the small man in the white coat. There were times when she almost couldn't tell the difference between him and the Hydra scientists.

"Very well, Miss James. Let's do it your way." The doctor ground out between his teeth before traipsing off.

"Prick." Jasper muttered under her breath with one last glare at the doctors back before turning back to Bucky.

"This is going to suck like hell and that's about all I can guarantee so I'd be sure this is what you wanna do before you meet me on that mat tomorrow, Barnes." She stated simply, placing her hands on her hips and trying to ignore the ache in her heart and the way he bit his lips while he thought.

"You don't scare me, James." His response was automatic and Jasper saw his eyes widen minutely.

"Look at that, you're already starting to remember. We'll have you back to your pain in the ass self in no time." Jasper grinned up at him in what she hoped was a reassuring manner.

He simply nodded once before looking uncomfortable under everyone's scrutiny and walking off silently. Steve went to follow, stopping at Jasper's side and placing his hand on her shoulder. He smiled at her warmly, thanks evident in his expressive eyes.

"Don't thank me yet, Cap. You think you've been to hell and back before? You ain't seen nothing yet." Jasper muttered.

"Do you mind if I join you all tomorrow?" Steve asked quietly.

"I'd actually prefer if you were there. I want a guarantee that if he gets pissed there's going to be someone who can pry him off me."

"He's not The Winter Soldier anymore." Steve paused to give her his pursed lip disapproving look before adding, "And besides, if it goes really bad, you could always get out of there and you know it."

"He doesn't have to be the Winter Soldier to want me dead, and no, no I couldn't. I made a promise and I don't ever intend to break it." Jasper muttered but Steve was already jogging off in the direction Bucky had gone.

"I hope you know what you're doing." Marcus said as he placed his arm around her waist. Jackson grunted his consent, taking her other side and Melanie came to wrap them all in a hug.

"Me too." Jasper whispered, feeling like the bottom of her world would drop out from underneath her at any second.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello my lovely readers, just a few things I wanted to clarify. If it's in italics, it's either a memory/dream or a direct thought from Jasper. That's all! Read on!**

 _Jasper spat. The sharp contrast between her crimson blood and the ivory of the freshly cleaned mat kept her gaze as she swayed precariously on her knees. Another blow, this one to her stomach shot pain up her spine unlike anything she'd ever felt. She coughed, trying to regain her breath, but blood spewed from her mouth, running down her busted lips and over the curve of her bruised chin. She took a deep gurgling breath just in time for a kick to land right in her ribs, the distinctive cracking sound of bone followed by her wail of pain._

 _"_ Стоп. _" Jasper saw her attacker drop his arm to halt the next blow._

 _"Have you had enough, my dear Jasper? Would you like somebody else to take over for you?" Jasper used what little strength she had left to tilt her head up and glare as best she could at the Hydra scientist._

 _He stood beside her attacker, dwarfed by the super weapon Hydra had created but still in complete control of the metal armed man. Victor Alexandrov looked down at her with malice in his grey eyes. His hatred for her was unrivaled and this little display proved it._

 _"Would you like that? I can make it end. I can make your pain stop." Alexandrov held out a hand and one of the assistants in the room handed him a simple black baton._

 _He tapped along the Winter Soldiers metal arm with it. The Soldier didn't flinch, why would he? He'd been trained to take whatever punishment his handlers saw fit._

 _"Say the word, and all your pain ends. I know it hurts."_

 _Jasper bit back a pathetic sob. Every part of her body was alight with pain that bordered on unbearable. She knew several ribs were broken and the rattling in her every breath told her that her lungs were filling slowly with blood. She was pretty sure a few vertebrae were at the very least cracked, she hadn't had feeling below her waist for the last hour. She could physically feel her body screaming for it to stop, please god just make it stop._

 _"Let me make your pain stop." Victor whispered gently, caressing her broken features in the palm of his hand._

 _Jasper felt her resolve cracking at the foundation and bit down hard on her tongue to keep herself from screaming yes, please yes. Tears spilled down her cheeks shamelessly now and she looked up at the Winter Soldier helplessly. He stared back at her with the same dead expression he'd had when they'd first met, but God help her she still remembered what it was like to see a smile grace those features that could be beautiful and deadly._

 _"I'm sorry, Bucky. God, I'm so sorry." Jasper sobbed knowing that Bucky couldn't hear her._

 _"That's a girl. Let the pain stop." Victor grinned maliciously and placed his foot at the back of the Soldiers knee and gave a push effectively bringing him to his knees as he raised the baton over his head._

 _In the seconds that black baton swung through the air making straight for that damn mop of hair, Jasper saw it all. Bucky with his head thrown back laughing, Bucky with fire blazing in his eyes like the ocean after a storm, Bucky with that damn determination to win._

 _"_ Нет _!" Jasper screamed so loudly that even the Winter Soldier jumped minutely. Twelve pairs of eyes that Jasper could see fell on her with evident confusion._

 _Victor looked down at her as she bit through her cheek to raise her back straight. Jasper glared up at them defiantly, fire flooding through her veins and shorting out all her pain receptors._

 _"I can take it." Jasper growled to Victor before turning her violet hued eyes to the Winter Soldier._

 _"I can take it, James." She whispered._

 _Victor let out a string of curses before waving his hand simply and turning his back on the two of them. The Winter Soldier stood quickly and Jasper saw that metal arm pull back as she closed her eyes and accepted her fate._

Jasper sat up in bed, drenched in sweat and disoriented, with the pistol she still kept under her pillow clenched between both hands. The barrel lined up perfectly along the bridge of a nose she could have traced in her sleep. Right between two storm blue eyes. The startled and defensive look in their depths told her this was Bucky and not Winter, so she dropped the gun slowly and placed it on her bedside table.

"You were having a nightmare." He stated simply, shuffling almost awkwardly on his feet.

"You're not supposed to wake someone during a nightmare, Barnes. I could've shot you." Jasper replied.

Bucky simply shrugged, looking more and more uncomfortable the longer he stood by the side of her bed.

"How did you know I was having a nightmare?" Jasper asked, pushing the duvet back and swinging her legs over the side of the bed.

"Couldn't sleep. Heard you yelling from the hall." Bucky took several steps back to give her plenty of room to stand.

Jasper stretched as she looked to her alarm. The green numbers said it was 4:13 in the morning and she groaned. She turned her eyes to Bucky and took in the bags under his and the way he slumped forward just slightly.

"Come on, Barnes." Jasper muttered, grabbing her robe from the end of her bed and throwing it over her shorts and tank top as she headed for the bedroom door.

She heard him following behind her just barely. For a guy who was nothing but solid muscle mass, he was exceptionally light on his feet. He said nothing as they walked down the hall and stepped into the elevator, heading for the kitchen six floors below. She leaned against the wall and closed her eyes, her dream still flashing behind her eyes.

When she opened them again, she saw Bucky watching her from the furthest corner of the elevator like she had all the answers locked up under her brown curls. When he caught her eye, he ducked behind his long hair.

"One of the hardest parts is realizing that being your own person doesn't come with punishment anymore." Jasper told him with a sympathetic smile.

He raised his eyes to meet hers again and Jasper thought she saw the makings of a smile on his face.

"I'm working on it." He muttered quietly.

"When I first started integrating back into the real world, it was hard. I expected to wake up and be back in there with another punishment for disobeying. I know it sounds cliché, but it'll just take time."

Bucky nodded, eyes downcast again and Jasper's fingers ached to reach out for him but she fought the need. He wouldn't remember yet how much he meant to her and any sudden physical touch could send him back into his Winter Soldier self without a seconds warning.

The elevator dinged and Jasper stepped out into the dim kitchen, flipping on a few lights here and there. Stark tower was made up of several parts: the avengers floors at the top, the sleeping quarters below that, then the training rooms, kitchen and what were basically social gathering rooms, then the offices and the lobby below that.

The kitchen itself was set up in two parts. On one side of the floor was the dining hall and the industrial kitchen were meals were served while on the south side there was a smaller but still as updated kitchen that was used for personal meals and times such as this.

Jasper walked about the kitchen, collecting mugs and the correct ingredients.

"Natasha already tried giving me tea to help me sleep." Bucky muttered at the sight of the mugs giving an almost apologetic grimace.

"It didn't work on me either. I'm making something that doesn't taste like shit and won't help you sleep in the slightest." Jasper grinned, mixing this and that.

"Dr. Martin says I should stay away from alcohol." Was the next statement and Jasper laughed outright.

"That's rich coming from him, but wrong again, Barnes." Jasper smiled as she sprinkled the last ingredient over the top and pressed the warm mug into his flesh hand.

"Drink." Jasper paused as he moved to take a sip immediately and added, "If you want to."

This time he did smile, just a quick upturn at the corners of his lips before taking a weary sip. Jasper sipped at her mug, watching the expression on his face. She could see his eyes spark even if his face remained impassive and something inside her cheered.

"Hot chocolate?" Bucky raised one brow at her over his mug and Jasper grinned.

"With cinnamon. It's my favorite thing to drink when I can't sleep."

"How do I know you?" Bucky asked suddenly, his face completely impassive and eyes guarded so even she couldn't read them.

Jasper tensed under his stare. He'd known her in so many ways, as so many things. Which one was he searching for? Jasper contemplated, pulling along certain memories threads only to back off again when the memory ended in pain. All their memories ended in pain. How could she tell him that? How could she tell him who she was when him looking at her like a stranger was better than looking at her like she'd betrayed him any day.

"I remember that you always get that crease between your eyes when you're thinking really hard." Bucky's voice broke through her racing thoughts and she looked up to see the drowning look in his eyes.

"Barnes, I'm telling you, and I'm only going to say it once because once that session starts, there's no going back, leave it alone. All that is in your memories of Hydra, of me, is pain." Jasper could feel the whining beg in her voice but for once her pride couldn't bring itself to care.

"I thought if anybody would understand why I have to, it would be you." Bucky spat the accusation at her.

"I do understand. I'm just saying it's not," Jasper started but Bucky wasn't going to listen to her excuses.

"Pain's not something I'm unfamiliar with, or have you forgotten that feeling since you've been saved?" Bucky growled the last word, resentment flashing across his features.

"Oh, that's rich. So now it's my fault that I got out of there before you did?" Jasper's pride was speaking now but her heart wasn't in it because it was true. She blamed herself for leaving him behind every day.

"No. I'm simply reminding you that pain is the way of Hydra because it seems you've forgotten." A shadow passed over his features and Jasper resisted the urge to cower at the dark anger that followed. "You don't think I can handle it. You think I'm going to break and go back to being a mindless killer, just like Steve."

"What? No! I just," Jasper stepped toward him, throwing her hands up but he grabbed her wrists in one hand and drug her to stand before him.

He towered over her lithe 5'7" frame like an imposing brick wall, all muscle and metal and anger. His ringers dug into her wrists painfully and she pulled at them but he held her in place as his eyes bore into hers.

"You think I'm weak. Why? Did I not kill enough people? Did I not cause enough pain?" His words were empty, devoid of anything but his anger.

Jasper remembered doing this same thing herself because anger was a shield that protected you from pain.

"No, I don't think you're weak. Not because you killed people or because you caused pain but because you're here and you remember even when they tried to make sure you couldn't." Jasper mumbled.

"Then why? Why won't you help me?" Bucky yelled, squeezing her wrists in a way that would leave finger shaped bruises for weeks.

"Because I don't know if I can take it!" Jasper screamed.

Bucky dropped her wrists like she'd burned him and backed away with wide eyes. She could tell that hadn't been the answer he was expecting and the desperation in his eyes made her stomach burn with shame.

They stood in silence for a moment, all feelings and raw emotion and Jasper damned Hydra to hell for the millionth time.

"You asked me how you knew me, but I can't answer that for you. You've known me and been made to forget me some many times that I don't know where to even begin. But, be damn sure this is what you want because I know you can take the pain, I've seen you do it a million times before, but this comes with more than just pain. So, I need to know right now. Are you sure you want to do this? Because once you open that flood gate there is no going back. You can't turn it on and off like a switch." Jasper finally spoke, watching his expression carefully.

"I want to remember." Bucky replied immediately.

"Then go get some sleep, Barnes. It's gonna be a long day." Jasper sighed into her mug, taking a long sip.

"It's always a long day, James. You know that." Bucky stepped forward, almost as if to embrace her then stopped. His brow wrinkled in confusion he looked down at her.

"I don't know what I was…" he trailed off and Jasper felt her heart break for him.

"You will. Impulses, things we feel the need to do come back first. Memories to go with the actions follow."

Bucky nodded briskly before pacing out of the kitchen and heading back up to his room. Jasper chugged the remains of her hot chocolate before hurling the cup across the kitchen and reveling in the way it shattered against the wall. She'd been right to feel like her world was falling away from underneath her. She was just glad her favorite empath wasn't there to feel her fall apart.

"I'd never hear the end of it." Jasper mumbled cynically to herself.

Rolling her eyes at her outburst, Jasper scurried about the kitchen looking for a towel to clean up her mess. Tony would throw a fit if he found out someone had soiled his beautiful building with chocolate.

Finished with her task, Jasper looked at the clock on the wall just in time to watch the hands tick across five am. With a sigh, she headed back to her room to pull out her favorite Stephen King novel, _Bag of Bones,_ and pass the next two hours living someone else's hellish life for a change.


End file.
